When You Can't Sleep

https://youtu.be/MLl0ZtqH_Yg

First Reading

A READING FROM THE BOOK OF GENESIS

The same night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two maids, and his eleven children, and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. He took them and sent them across the stream, and likewise everything that he had. Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he struck him on the hip socket; and Jacob's hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, "Let me go, for the day is breaking." But Jacob said, "I will not let you go, unless you bless me." So he said to him, "What is your name?" And he said, "Jacob." Then the man said, "You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans, and have prevailed." Then Jacob asked him, "Please tell me your name." But he said, "Why is it that you ask my name?" And there he blessed him. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved." The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip.

GENESIS 32:22-31

Sermon: The Rev. Dr. Maryann Amor

Have you ever had one of those nights when all you do is toss and turn, going over in your mind something that either happened during the day or something that was about to happen?

Maybe it was something at work, an interaction that plays on repeat. Did I say the wrong thing? Did I do the wrong thing? Why did they react that way? What is going to happen now?

Or maybe it is about your family. What is happening with my children? Why are they struggling so much? How can I help them?

Or maybe it is something else...How am I going to pay my bills? Why do I feel so alone? Why does everything seem to be falling apart?

We know those nights. Nights when sleep just does not come because our minds are wrestling with fear, uncertainty, and questions we cannot answer.

And this is why Jacob's story speaks so powerfully to us.

To understand what happens in today's first reading, we need to look at what is going on in Jacob’s life. He has just left his father-in-law, Laban, after years of conflict. Laban had tricked Jacob into marrying his daughter Leah before Rachel, the woman Jacob really loved, and the family had divided. Jacob has finally escaped that situation.

But now Jacob has another problem.

He is travelling toward the land where his brother Esau lives—the brother he cheated out of his birthright. Jacob has no idea how Esau will receive him. Will Esau forgive him or will he kill Jacob and his family?

And Jacob now finds himself alone by the river, facing what is probably the most uncertain night of his life. It is there, in the darkness, that a strange man suddenly grabs him, and the two begin to wrestle.

As daylight approaches, the stranger sees that Jacob is not giving in, so he hits Jacob on the hip, putting it out of joint. But even though he is injured, Jacob won’t let go.

Then the man says, "Let me go, for the day is breaking." But Jacob replies, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." The stranger asks Jacob his name. And Jacob tells him. Then comes the man’s reply: "You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans, and have prevailed." Jacob asks the stranger for his name, but instead of answering, the man blesses him. The wrestling match ends, and Jacob names the place Peniel, a Hebrew word that means "I have seen God face to face."

What makes this story so fascinating is that the narrator never actually tells us who the stranger Jacob wrestles is. He is simply "a man." Only afterward does Jacob make sense of what has happened, concluding that somehow, in wrestling with this stranger, he has wrestled with God. The story never confirms this conclusion, but it also doesn’t deny it. Instead, it invites us into Jacob's realisation that what first seemed to be a struggle with another person was, at a deeper level, an encounter with God.

The point of this story is Jacob's discovery that, in the darkest night of his life—the night when he feared most what lay ahead—the struggle he thought was simply with Esau, with fear, or with the consequences of his own past, was also a struggle with God.

And although his life situation doesn’t change after the wrestling...Esau is still ahead of him, Jacob's family is still vulnerable. Jacob himself is changed. He limps away, his hip now permanently injured, and he also carries a blessing and a new name. Jacob is no longer Jacob, the deceiver, the man who spent his life manipulating situations to his own advantage. Now he is Israel—the one who has wrestled with God.

Jacob's circumstances remain uncertain, but he is not the same person who entered the night. And this made me wonder if this is how God works with us. We spend so much of our lives praying that God will remove the thing that keeps us awake at night. That God will fix the relationship, heal the illness, take away the uncertainty, give us the answer. And yes, sometimes God does this. But more often, the wrestling doesn't stop...God doesn't remove the struggles we face. Instead, God is present within it.

Those nights when we lie awake wondering whether we have ruined a relationship... when we worry about our children...when we stare at the ceiling wondering how we are going to make it through tomorrow...maybe those nights can become holy, even though they do not feel holy at all. Because in those moments of wrestling we realize that we are not, in any way, in control of our lives. Things will happen. Situations will present themselves that will distress us. And in those moments we, like Jacob, discover that all we can do is cling to God.

And I think this is why Jacob won’t let go when the man asks him to. Instead Jacob says, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." Jacob doesn't demand an explanation from the man...he doesn't ask what Esau is going to do or why any of this stuff is happening. All he asks for is a blessing.

Somewhere during that long night of wrestling, Jacob discovered that there is something more important than certainty about his future. He realises that God's presence is with him and that God's presence will remain with him, whatever lies on the horizon. So Jacob asks for—and receives—the one thing that will carry him forward: a blessing. Not the certainty that everything will work out as he hopes, but the assurance that he will not face tomorrow alone.

So maybe the next time you find yourself awake in the middle of the night, wrestling with fears you cannot control, don't try to carry them alone. Cling to God. Pray Jacob's prayer: "Bless me." And then get up the next morning, not because all your questions have been answered, but because you know that whatever waits for you on the other side of the river, you will not face it alone. Amen.